Coming Up Roses
by TowMondler
Summary: Monica goes through some problems in her life and marriage
1. This cold night

~* This just came to me while I was in French today. This is just the first chapter, it's not over yet, so review and I'll write faster. Well, if you like it that is. Anyway, my life has been stressed because opening night for the Play is Friday, and college applications are due tomorrow. AHHHHHHHHHH ! So please make me feel better and review!~*

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. So don't sue. Because that wouldn't be very nice. 

She stood with the snow swirling around her. A hat was pulled haphazardly on top of her dark hair. The coat's buttons were mismatched as she pulled on the end of her scarf. She faced him and tried to remember a time when it hadn't been like this. 

"I can't do this anymore," she said to him. He studied her face.

"What do you mean you can't do this anymore?" He asked.

"I just can't....I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this."

"What do you want to do then?" He waited for an answer. She shrugged her shoulders and played with the end of her scarf. The last five minutes were beginning to become fuzzy as she replayed the scene in her mind. They were fighting, nothing new there. He got angry, again this happened every day, and then slammed the door and ran out into the snowstorm. She had thrown on a coat and ran out after him. She hadn't known what she was going to say once they were out and facing each other, but she knew that this was her chance. Not to fix things. Things were too far gone to be fixed, it was her chance to get out. Leave him, leave her marriage. If she didn't do it now, then she wouldn't be able to summon the courage to do another day. 

"Well?" He had also just thrown on a coat and some gloves and a hat. 

"I guess...I guess I want a...." she trailed off.

"A what?" 

"A divorce. I guess I want a divorce," she said. His hand traveled to his face and he rubbed his chin.

"Are you sure?" He asked. _No, _she wanted to scream. _I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything. I wasn't sure when I married you and I'm sure as hell not sure what I want to do now. _

"Yes..." her voice faltered, but the word came out clear as day. 

"Fine." So this is what it had come to. He wasn't even going to fight for her? He wasn't even going to ask her why she was doing this? Just a fine? Had this really what their marriage had come to? They had loved each other once. In the beginning. They had been in love at the beginning, but even then she hadn't know what to do. She had considered leaving him at the alter. But no. She was determined to go through with the marriage and make it work. And she had tried. She had tried so hard. They had been married four years. 

"That's it?" She asked her voice breaking.

"What do you want me to say? You've obviously made up your mind. Nothing I do or say is going to change that!"

"You could try."

"I love you. I've always loved you, I will always love you. But you're right. We can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I know that you can't do it anymore."

"But...."

"But what?"

"We had so much hope." 

"I know." His voice got soft and he walked to her and placed a kiss on her forehead. It wasn't a romantic kiss, or even a friendly kiss. It was a kiss goodbye. 

"So this is it?" She asked. 

"Yes. You are the one who wanted this."

"I never wanted this," she said softly.

"No. I suppose you didn't. And neither did I. I guess I'll pack up and drive back to the city tonight."

"I'm going to stay here for the rest of the weekend," she told him. He nodded and rubbed his hand against his chin before disappearing into the house. She slipped in and pulled off the winter jacket and placed it on the hook. The hat and gloves were pulled off and placed by the fireplace to dry and warm up. She shivered from the cold and knowledge of what had happened. Her marriage had ended. 

"I'm going to go," his voice broke the silence in the room. She turned and nodded and then walked over to him and placed a kiss on his cheek. They would be civil about this damn it. If they couldn't get anything else right, then they would get that right. 

"Okay. Be careful driving home. It's icy." 

"Okay. You be careful too. Lock the doors as soon as I leave," he reminded her. Always protective. 

"I will," she managed a small smile.

"Bye Mon," he whispered.

"Bye." She closed and locked the door and listened until she couldn't hear the gravel crunching under his tires. He had left her the Jeep to take home and he had taken the car. Always worried about her. They should have been able to make it work. What had happened? Thoughts surrounded her and she grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it tightly around her. She turned off the lights and sat by the fire and cried. Tears glistened in the light of the flames. She sat there for hours. She had no idea what time it was when she finally stopped and climbed to her feet. The clock said three A.M. She poured herself a drink of wine and set it on the coffee table and then went to the shelves. Most of their stuff was back at the apartment in the city, but they had kept some things at the cabin. She pulled the photo album from it's place and carried it back to the couch. She curled up with her feet under her and opened the first page. It was pictures of her wedding. She ran her finger along the words at the bottom of the page. 

_Monica and Richard's wedding. April 12. _

She reached for the glass of wine and took a swig. Then she set down both the glass and the photo album and reached for the phone. She wondered briefly if it was too late to call. He had told her, though, that it was never too late to call. All she had to do was pick up the phone. He had told her that hadn't he? Well, she was going to call him. She needed him. She was having a nervous breakdown. Maybe, not quite a nervous breakdown, but she was certainly unhinged right then. Her mind struggled to remember the number. She punched it in and then waited as it rang. Of course he hadn't picked it up on the first ring, it was three-twenty in the morning. He was probably fast asleep. She waited patiently. His voice came on the other line groggy and sleep filled.

"Hello? Whoever this is better have a good reason for calling in the middle of the night," he said. 

"Hi, it's Monica."

"Monica? What's the matter?" His voice changed from annoyed to concern-filled. God, he was too good for her. 

"I think my marriage is over." 

"You think?"

"No, it's definitely over. I asked Richard for a divorce."

"Oh my God. Where are you?"

"The cabin."

"I'll be right there."

"It isn't necessary for you to come all the way out here. It's three-twenty." Her heart fought against what her voice was saying. Inside she was pleading with him. _Please come. Please come to help me. I need you._

"No, you need me, so I'm coming. I'll be there as soon as I pull on some clothes." _Thank you. _

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay."

"I'll be right there." _Hurry. Hurry and get here. _

"All right." She went to hang up the phone. "Oh and Chandler?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"No problem, I'll be right there." 

"Bye." It was the second goodbye that night, but it was a different kind. She was waiting for him to get there. She needed him. He had sensed that. But oh God, her marriage was over. It hit her full force. Her marriage was over, but Chandler was coming. She couldn't believe he was coming. She might not have come if it was her. Oh, well, it was him, and he was coming. She shivered and hugged the blanket around her and waited for him to arrive. 

~* Hey, hey, I'm so sad, but if you leave a review, I'll be so glad! Hey, hey, this is just the start, so leave a review and don't break my heart. Hey, hey, the more you send, the quicker I will write the end! Please review! Thanks!~*


	2. I'm With You

~* Hello all! Thanks so very much for reviewing. This is the second part, and the song is by Avril Lavigne. I thought it fit, so I used it. Oh, and my opening night for the play was Friday night which is why I haven't gotten it up until now. But I hope you enjoy, AND REVIEW!!!!! *~

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I mean, literally I own nothing. I have like three cents to my name. So do you really think I own these characters or the song? Use your head people. 

She set the coffee mug on the table and moved to the window. She checked her watch for what felt like the thousandth time. How long ago had she called him? The only light filling the room was the fire that blazed behind her. She thought about what she was going to say to him. They hadn't talked in awhile....well, longer than awhile. They hadn't talked in over a year. She was amazed that he had agreed to come there and talk to her. She didn't know if she would go to him. _Of course I would, _she thought to herself. _I would travel to the ends of the earth if he asked me to. _ Maybe that was one of the reasons her marriage had failed. Richard certainly didn't like to play second fiddle to anyone. He had boasted over the fact that he had, in an essence, won her. The night of her wedding Chandler had come to her. He had begged her to reconsider, to think about what she was doing marrying Richard.

"I have!" She had yelled at him. "What do you want me to do? Call off the wedding simply because something, somewhere down the line, at some point, may possibly if everything goes right, work out between us?" 

"Now that you've said it out loud, it doesn't sound as good as it had in my head," Chandler had said shaking his head. "I can't lose you." Monica had looked up at him, tears were stinging in her eyes.

"You can't lose something that you never had," she said softly. Now, four years later, she sat watching the snow fall and waiting for him to come to her. He had dropped everything. He had dropped everything in the middle of the night, to come to her. She pulled the blanket around her and stepped onto the porch to listen for an approaching car. The wind stung her face and the bitter cold nipped at her skin. But she didn't move. She strained to listen if he was coming. He was coming, wasn't he? _ What if had just told me that he was coming? What if he's still angry with me? _ She shook her head as if to displace the thoughts and waited for Chandler to come save the day. 

__

I'm standing on a bridge

I'm waiting in the dark

I thought that you'd be here by now

There's nothing but the rain

No footsteps on the ground

I'm listening but there's no sound

Chandler raced up through the dark snowy woods to Monica's cabin. Actually, Monica and Richard's cabin, but if her phone call proved to be correct, then they were no longer a they. His hands gripped the steering wheel as he navigated the curvy, icy roads. All he could think about was trying to get to her. Get to Monica. Get to her and help her. She needs help, and he would help her. He would. He couldn't believe how angry with her he had been over the past four years. It was stupid, really. She hadn't done anything wrong. She had gotten married, she was entitled to that. She thought Richard was the one, she thought that he was going to take care of her. Chandler had missed his opportunity. What had she said to him?

"You can't lose something that you never had." That was it. That was what she had whispered that night before her wedding. And she was right. He had never had her, so how could he lose her? But he did. That next day he had swallowed his pride and watched her marry another man. 

"Thank you for coming," she had said taking his hand and kissing his cheek at the wedding. She had looked beautiful.

"I wouldn't be anywhere but here," he had told her. 

"It means a lot to me, Chandler. You are after all one of my best friends," she gave him a small smile.

"Yeah." He didn't know what to say, so he had just leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Make sure he treats you right." But he hadn't. No that wasn't fair, Richard had been a protective and providing husband. He just hadn't given her what she wanted. She wasn't happy. He wasn't happy. They weren't happy. And so Chandler was driving up to see her, to comfort her, to save her, to win her. 

__

Isn't anyone trying to find me?

Won't somebody come take me home?

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life 

She heard the car pull up and she flew to the door and tore it open. Chandler stepped out of the car and she ran to him. 

"Chandler." He reached out his arms. She fit so perfectly into his arms. It was as if he had always meant to hold her. She wasn't so much another person as much as an extension of himself. 

"Are you okay?" He asked pulled away and holding her so that he could study her face.

"I'm better now that you're here," she said. "God, that sounded so cliche." 

"It's fine," he told her and hugged her again. "Let's go inside and talk."

"Okay. Chandler?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for coming here. Thanks for rushing here to see me. I needed this. I needed....well....I needed you. Tonight, I just needed you here with me." Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. Funny, she had thought that she had cried herself out. 

"Then I'm glad I came," Chandler said wrapping an arm around her and leading her to the house.

"So am I." She flipped on the lights.

"No, leave them off," Chandler said setting his coat on the hook. "The fireplace provides enough light." Monica nodded and hit the light switch again. Darkness and shadows crept into the room. She moved to the chair by the fireplace and sat down with her leg curled underneath her. He moved towards her and sat in the chair opposite. 

"Let's talk then," Monica said clearing her throat.

"Why don't you start from the beginning and tell me what happened."

"With Richard?"

"Yes, with Richard. When did things start to go wrong?" She sighed. When had things been okay? It was hard to remember. 

"I don't know. I guess it wasn't good from the beginning." Chandler didn't know that. Why hadn't he known that? He should have known that she was having problems. 

"I didn't know." 

"No one knew." She shook her head. "We didn't want anyone to know."

"Why?"

"Because. So many people told me not to marry him. You weren't the only one your know?"

"Really? Who else?"

"Joey, Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, and my dad. My mother was just happy that I was getting married."

"I didn't that either."

"Yeah, well, the general consensus was that I should say no. That I should have broken it off."

"But you couldn't?"

"Of course not. I did love him Chandler. Despite whatever else has happened, that hasn't changed. I loved him then and a part of me still loves him now." He took a deep breath. 

"But?" He waited for the next part. He waited for her to tell him why she couldn't stay married to the man. 

"Chandler, there's a lot about me no one knows."

"That's not true," Chandler said shaking his head.

"Really?"

"Yes. We all are a part of everyone else's business."

"Did you know that I had a miscarriage?" 

__

Won't you take me by the hand?

Take me somewhere new

I don't know who you are

But I....I'm with you

I'm with you

I'm looking for a place

Searching for a face

Chandler was taken aback by this last statement. 

"You had a miscarriage? When? How did we not know about it?" His mind reeled. 

"I don't know. We didn't tell anyone," she shrugged. She was trying to play it off, but it wasn't working. He could see the tears, and she couldn't fight them. They fell fast and furiously.

"Oh God, Mon. I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"It was a year and a half ago. The baby would be almost six months old by now," she shuddered from the tears. "After that, well, things got worse." Chandler reached over and took her hand in his.

"What happened?"

"I was depressed, and Richard...he...hadn't really been that happy about me being pregnant, and I blamed him on not being supportive and then we...everything spiraled out of control. Until I didn't know how to stop blaming him for things, and he didn't know what to say to me to make things better. Not that saying anything would have made things better, but...still. We stopped talking and we began to avoid seeing each other. And this weekend was supposed to be it. Either we got ourselves together, or we called the quits."

"And you called the quits."

"If I hadn't done it first, then he would have done it." She was quiet and thought about this for a moment. "I guess things never turn out the way you want them too, huh?" 

"No, I suppose they don't," Chandler replied softly. Things certainly hadn't worked out the way that he had wanted them. She was supposed to be his. In a perfect world, they were married. Richard had never happened. Her marriage had never happened. 

"I'm sorry to do this to you, I'm sure that this is the last thing that you wanted to do tonight." 

"Don't worry about it. It's fine," he squeezed her hand. "So go on, tell me more. Tell me what happened tonight."

"We got into a fight. We called each other names, and we said things that we didn't mean, and he grabbed his coat and ran out. I grabbed my coat and ran after him and we, we said that we had had enough. I had to get off. I was done." She shivered partly from the cold and partly from the words. He got up and picked up the blanket that had been wrapped around her. He handed it to her and she smiled gratefully and wrapped it around herself.

"Thanks," she said.

"No problem."

"Chandler?"

"Hmm?"

"Where have you been the past year? Why haven't you called?" _Because I couldn't stand to hear your voice without breaking down? Because when you called I realized everything that I was missing. Because it hurt to talk to you? _ His mind raced and he tried to form a coherent thought. 

"I don't know," he finally said. 

__

Is anybody here I know

Cause nothing's going right

And everything's a mess

And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anybody trying to find me?

Won't somebody come and take me home

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life

"I'm going to make some coffee," she said after awhile. They had been sitting talking about nothing and everything for over an hour. 

"Okay," he leaned back against the chair. 

"Do you want some?" She called from the kitchen.

"Yeah, sure," he called back. He heard her get the coffee pot and fill it up with water. Everything had come out during the hour. The way he felt about her and the way that his heart had broken when she had said " I do." She confessed that she had always had somewhat of a crush on him. 

"Really?"

"Sure. You're kind of cute, you know," she had teased. He grinned. 

"Well, I always thought so." She now reappeared with the two cups of coffee in her hand. She handed one to him and as she did so she yawned. 

"Tired?" He asked.

"Me? No, I'm fi...." she was cut off halfway by another yawn. "Okay, maybe a little. What time is it?"

"Five-thirty."

"I guess I'm exhausted," she admitted. 

"Why don't you go to bed?"

"Aren't you tired?"

"I'll just take a quick nap on the couch," Chandler said.

"I don't think that I can be in there alone," she said softly glancing at the staircase leading to the bedroom. 

"Then I'll come up with you," Chandler said. 

"Will you stay there, with me?"

"I will do whatever you would like me to do," Chandler told her and set down his cup and stood up and took her had and hauled her to her feet. She went up the small, spiral staircase that led to the landing where her and Richard's bedroom was. She flicked on the light and went into the adjacent bathroom to change. When she was done, she reappeared and climbed into the bed. Chandler took his shoes off and sat down in the chair next to the bed.

"No," Monica said patting the bed next to her. "Here." He obliged and climbed in next to her and tucked the blanket all around her. 

"Goodnight Mon," he said. 

"Night," she mumbled before drifting off to sleep. 

__

Won't you take me by the hand

take me somewhere new

I don't know who you are

But I...I'm with you, I'm with you

Oh why is everything so confusing

Maybe I'm just out of my mind

Yeah, yeah, yeah

When she woke up the next morning, she felt strong arms around her. She opened her eyes and rolled over to face Chandler. She smiled. He was so cute when he slept. She yawned and looked at the clock. It was noon. He opened one eye and grinned at her.

"Hey you," he whispered.

"Hey yourself," she said smiling. She at up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. "I'm going to go make breakfast, do you want some?"

"Sure," he said as he rubbed the last remnants of sleep from his eyes. 

"What do you want?"

"Anything."

"All right, anything coming right up," Monica grinned and left the room. He heard her footsteps on the stairs. Chandler dressed and made his way down the staircase. She was humming to herself in the kitchen. He followed the sound and found her there busy making eggs and bacon. 

"I could smell that all the way upstairs," he told her. "Smells really good."

"Oh, and you think that you're getting some?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm not?" She giggled. 

"Of course you are. Can you hand me the milk?" He leaned over to get the milk as she leaned to pick up a towel and their faces met inches apart. He could feel her warm breath on his cheek. He did the first thing that went into his mind. He kissed her. 

__

It's a damn cold night

Trying to figure out this life

Won't you take me by the hand

take me somewhere new

I don't know who you are

But I...I'm with you

I'm with you

The milk dropped onto the ceramic floor and she ignored the mess that spilled out.

"Chandler, I...." she stopped and kissed him back. Then she abruptly pulled back. "I'm still married...and I just...." 

"I understand. Let me help you clean up this milk," he said straightening up and grabbing a mop and sweeping up the spilled milk. What was that saying? It's no use crying over spilled milk? Well, there was no use crying over this either. Is it was time that she needed, then he would give her time. That would be the end of that.

"It's almost ready," Monica said softly.

"Okay."

"Can you grab two plates and glasses?"

"Sure." He set the table for her and grabbed a seat as she placed the plate of eggs and bacon on the table. She went back into the kitchen and grabbed a carton of orange juice and set it next to the eggs. The sat in silence not talking, just eating. Chandler felt someone should break the uncomfortable silence that surrounded them. 

"Chandler?" So it was Monica who broke it instead.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about before....I just...."

"Don't worry about it."

"It's too soon."

"I know."

"You sure?"

"Positive, Monica don't worry about it."

"Okay," the silence reigned again as Monica took a bite of her breakfast and Chandler took a drink from his cup.

"I should go make coffee," she said trying to lighten the conversation and atmosphere. "Everyone knows that I can't make it through an entire day without some in my bloodstream. I swear that my blood is half coffee." Chandler managed a small laugh.

"Monica?"

"Hmm?"

"Is just that it's too soon? I mean..." He trailed off and could no longer look at her.

"Yes, it's just that it's too soon," she said reaching across the table and taking his hand. 

"So it's not...."

"You're fine. It's too soon."

"Okay."

"Okay." The silence resumed again and this time Monica made no attempt to make small talk. 

__

Take me by the hand

Take me somewhere new

I don't know who you are

But I...I'm with you

"Are you coming back to the city with me?" Chandler asked as they cleaned up the kitchen.

"I think that I'll stay here until Monday," Monica said shrugging. "The restaurant doesn't need me until then anyways, so...." 

"Okay."

"I'll be fine up here," she assured him. 

"Sure?" She nodded. "Well, then I'll just grab my coat. If you need anything, you call, understand?" She nodded again. He reached for his coat and she couldn't take it. A internal battle was waging in her head. _Don't let him leave. Stop him from going. You can't, you only asked Richard for the divorce yesterday. _

"Chandler? I..." She walked to him and kissed him square on the mouth. He looked at her stunned. "I can't let you leave without you knowing that when the time is right I fully intend on seeing if you and me can work."

"Really?" He felt so stupid saying it, but his mind was racing and it was the only coherent thought he could manage.

"Really."

"Oh good." Again with the stupid thoughts. Look what she did to him. They were interrupted by the sound of a car on the gravel driveway. 

"Who could that be?" She asked making her way to the window to peer out. "Oh my God."

"What?" Chandler asked. "Who is it?" Monica swallowed hard and started to bite her nails. This was just what she needed. 

"Richard." 

__

Take me by the hand 

Take me somewhere new

I don't know who you are

But I...I'm with you 

I'm with you

I'm with you

  


~* Did you like my rhyme last fic? I thought that it was pretty slick. But if you're really great, leave me a review and tell me how I rate. Okay, I'm done. That was fun. Oh God, it's so hard to stop. My play went fantastically and I'm so sad that it's done. So make me feel better and review!*~


	3. Coming Up Roses

~*Thanks again for the reviews. How excited am I, it's snowing! Well, anyway, the song is by Owsley, and you can all just leave a review and tell me it's good or that you also love snow, or whatever. Just drop me a note at the bottom. And enjoy!~*

Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the characters, or come to think of it, the snow either

"What do you want me to do?" Chandler asked. Monica turned to him and looked at him in surprise. 

"What?"

"Richard's coming. If I'm here then...I can hide."

"He probably already saw your car," she pointed out. Chandler nodded. She was playing it off, but he could see in her eyes that she was worried. She didn't want him to catch her. She began to pace as they heard the car door close from outside and the snow crunch under Richard's feet. He knocked on the door. 

"At least he knocked," Chandler pointed out. "He's realizing that he can't just walk in. That's a good thing. He's moving on."

"I don't know if I want him to move on." Chandler raised an eyebrow towards her. 

"Really?"

"Well, Chandler. It's been a night. I would hope that my marriage meant more then just one night." She took a deep breath and pulled open the door. Richard came in brushing the snow off his boots.

"I'm sorry Mon. I know that you wanted to stay up here alone this weekend but I...." his voice trailed off when he caught sight of Chandler standing there. "Chandler."

"Hello Richard." They stood facing each other. It was as if they were sizing each other for battle. _We are going to battle. We're going to both fight for her. _

"I'm sorry for interrupting," Richard said never removing his gaze from Chandler. 

"No, you weren't. I was just...I needed a friend." And with that admission from Monica, Chandler figured out what he had known all along. That's all he would ever be to Monica. In the end he wouldn't win her, if he and Richard fought, then Richard would win. Always. He should have known that. He should have caught on to that by now. That kiss in the kitchen just less then an hour previous had not changed anything. Him dropping everything to rush to her, that too had not made a dent in the armor that she had put up to shield herself from him. 

"Monica, why don't I leave you two. There's things that you need to talk about," Chandler finally pulled his eyes away from Richard's to look into Monica's. No words were spoken, but so much was said. She shook her head barely, but both men caught it. 

"Chandler...."

"No. I'll talk to you later." He grabbed his coat and gloves and keys and left the cabin. He didn't glance back at her and Richard. He couldn't glance back at her and Richard. 

Morning comes and you're so lonely

And you feel like you're the only one alive

Since she left you blame yourself

For all the things she never felt

"Chandler. It's Monica. Please call me back. We need to talk. I don't know what I've done that you're ignoring me, but we need to talk." Chandler sighed and leaned his head back against the chair. Why was she calling him? Hadn't she gone running back to Richard's ever-waiting arms? There was a knock on the door. He roused himself from the chair and walked to it and pulled it open. She stood on the other side with a cell phone in her hand.

"So you're just not going to answer your phone anymore?"

"Guess not."

"Chandler..."

"Where's Richard?"

"What do you think happened that morning?"

"I think that you finally made your final decision between the two of us."

"What are you talking about?"

"You chose Richard. You always choose Richard."

"Chandler..." She tried to get a word in, but he was off and rolling. 

"No. I've tried and tried to make you see, but you won't. You know why? You're afraid! You're afraid to love me. You lie to yourself that you don't want this, and then....God, Monica. But I'm done. I'm done. I was finished that night. Do what you want. Sleep with whomever you want. I'm getting off this train." She was insulted, she was offended, but she was hurt more then anything else. 

"Sleep with whomever I want?" She asked spitting out the words as if they were poisonous in her mouth. She tried to wrap her brain around what he had just said. "Is that how you think of me?" 

"Monica."

"No, is that what you think? That I would just go from one guy to the next after my marriage fails?" He had screwed up this time. Open mouth, insert foot. He had gone a step too far. No, he had leapt over three steps. 

"Monica, I didn't...."

"I came to apologize. I came to make amends." She turned on her heel and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her. Rachel came to the door after she had heard the door slam and knocked.

"You okay?" She asked. Chandler hung his head.

"I'm....fine. Dandy." She gave him an incredulous look, but the look on his face told her not to push him. 

"Okay," Rachel turned and went back to her apartment and left him alone. _Might as well get used to this. This is how it will always be. _He would always be alone. 

__

how could you be untrue to yourself?

When nobody is watching?

Your life isn't over, the clock is still tocking

"Have you talked to her?" Phoebe asked Rachel.

"Monica? No."

"Neither have I. She's not answering her phone."

"Can't blame her," Rachel said sighing into her cup of coffee. The Monica-Chandler situation had reached a fever-pitch with neither one talking to any of their friends. It was harder for Chandler to ignore his friends, because he lived right across from them, but he was succeeding. If one of them tried to call Monica, all they get would be her machine. 

"Did Richard move out?"

"According to Ross, yes."

"Oh. Does Chandler know?"

"I think so. I would assume so."

"Then why isn't he making his move?"

"He tried, he went up there the first night and then Richard showed up and so...." Rachel trailed off shrugging her shoulders. "Oh, here he comes." They stopped gossiping as the door to the coffee shop opened and Chandler came in.

"Chandler? Come join us," Phoebe suggested patting the empty seat next to her. 

"No thanks."

"Are you sure?" It was Rachel's turn to try and persuade him to stay.

"Yes, I'm sure. I have a lot to do. I'm just going to get my coffee and go," he said walking to the counter. The two friends sighed again and heard the door open again. Monica stood poised in the doorway. Her cheek were rosy from the cold and her hair was tousled from the wind. Rachel and Phoebe shared a look. They wanted to turn around and shield their eyes, but it was like a car crash, one couldn't help but turn around and watch it unfold. 

"Chandler?" Monica's voice interrupted him and he turned around slowly.

"Monica." She turned to leave. "Don't. I'm leaving, just order your coffee and you can stay." Gunther handed Chandler his coffee. 

"Chandler?" Her voice was low and uneven, and stopped him as he brushed past her. "I think we need to talk again." He nodded.

"Fine. Tonight?"

"That's fine."

"Good," and with that, Chandler left the coffee shop. 

__

One day you will wake up and you'll

be able to forget the sadness

get into the gladness

of love and it's way you will not fight it

while everyone dozes, you're coming up roses

Chandler knocked on her door and held his breath while he waited for her to open it. 

"Hi," she said pulling it open. "Come in." He stepped inside the apartment that for so many nights he had dreamt was his and hers, not hers and Richard's. It didn't have the same cozy feel as apartment 20 had, instead it had a sophisticated feel to it. It didn't look like her. It looked like Richard.

"So," he said taking his coat off and handing it to her outstretched arms. 

"So. I made chicken, do you want to eat first or....talk first?"

"Maybe we should eat first," he suggested. She nodded and led him to the dining room. He sat down and she brought out the meal. The ate in silence watching the other. After they were finished, Monica cleared her throat.

"Chandler, I just wanted to say that.....I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"You really don't have anything to be sorry for, you know that right?" 

"What?" This wasn't what she had thought would be his reaction. 

"I was a jerk Mon. I was a huge jerk." He felt like such an idiot. He had overreacted, and had taken things out of context and out of proportion, and here she was telling him that she was sorry. He looked back at her face and realized that she was crying. 

"This was so stupid," she said. "I do love you. You were right. You were so right. I was afraid of everything that you said. I was afraid of getting hurt, and I was afraid of losing you. If it didn't work out."

"Why wouldn't it work out?" He asked not sure what to do. Should he hug her? Should he take her into his arms. 

"Nothing ever works out," she sobbed. "I can't...I have to.....I have to leave." She grabbed a coat and a hat from the coat rack and ran out of the apartment leaving Chandler to wonder what had just happened. 

__

Drowning in a sea of sorrow

She won't be here for tomorrow's lullaby

Round and round and round she goes

and where she stops nobody knows but God above

He found her on a park bench. She wasn't crying any longer, she was just sitting there passively.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to come to the park at night? Psychos don't even come to the park at night," he teased sitting next to her. 

"I'm sorry about before," she said softly.

"Why?"

"I shouldn't have.... You were wrong, because you weren't the only one to be blamed. I was wrong too. I was....I wanted to have both of you Chandler. The night before my wedding, and.....that morning at the cabin. It made me...feel loved that you both wanted me. But I didn't love him anymore. I loved you. I think I've always loved you, and I never knew it." Her hand groped the bench in the dark and finally found his. "So I'm sorry too."

"Mon?" He found his voice finally, he was having troubling breathing and functioning. 

"Yes?"

"It's snowing." She glanced up at the sky and noted, that yes it had indeed started to snow. 

"It is." She rubbed her hands together and he stood up and offered her down his hand. 

"Let's go back inside," he suggested and she let him take her hand and pulled her towards the apartment. She stopped halfway across. 

"Chandler?"

"Yes?"

"What happens now?"

"I don't know."

"I mean, do you...." She struggled finding the right words.

"Yes?"

"Do you want to....."

"Monica? What are trying to ask?"

"I want to know if you want to give us a try?" Silence settled between them as he carefully chose his answer.

"I've wanted to give us a try forever," he told her. 

"That's a yes?"

"That's most definitely a yes." In the dark with the snow swirling all around them, he leaned in and kissed her. 

__

It's starting to rain and you're running

for cover like she ran to arms of another

One day you will wake up and you'll be able

to forget the sadness get into the gladness of love 

and it's way you will not fight it

while everyone dozes, you're coming up roses

He laid in the bed with her in his arms. She was sleeping peacefully. The covers were mussed and tangled around them. She shivered from the winter air and he pulled them up and tucked them around her body. They had come a far way. He had gotten a second chance with her, and when he had screwed that one up, he had gotten a third chance. The clock blinked the time and he realized that he had been sitting up watching her for more then a half-hour. He settled down to get some sleep when he felt her stir.

"Chandler?"

"Yes?"

"What are you doing?"

"I was watching you sleep," he answered honestly.

"Oh. Okay."

"Monica?"

"Hmm?"

"What are we going to tell the gang?"

"I don't know. I didn't think we'd tell yet."

"Oh?"

"I just...it's nice just the two of us. As soon as we tell them, then we have to deal with them."

"That's a good point." He kissed her cheek.

"You know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think that you might be the most gorgeous woman on the planet.""The planet huh?"

"Yes."

"Not the universe?"

"Well, there's this really hot chick on Jupiter." She giggled and picked up a pillow to smack him with.

"Oh really?" 

"Really."

"Well, you can sit up and dream about Miss Jupiter all you want, I am going to go to sleep." 

"Okay."

"Okay," she rolled over and closed her eyes. He leaned down and kissed her again.

"I love you," he whispered into her ear.

"I love you too," she mumbled and he grinned as he laid his head against the pillow to sleep. _Everything's going to be good from now on. Everything's going to be perfect. _ He smiled again to himself as he felt her roll over into his arms. Everything was going to be perfect. From then on, everything was going to come up roses. 

__

You will learn to try again

When you get your second wind

How long is the road paved with good intentions?

Forever waiting, divine intervention

of love and it's way and you will not fight it 

while everyone dozes, you're coming up roses

*Please review. So I ate so much yesterday that I'm still stuffed twenty-four hours later! I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving, and if you're not American, I hope that everyone had a good Thursday! Please review!*

  
  



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